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Show Me How You Disappear

by IAN SWEET

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1.
I think it’s coming down From my favorite kind of cloud The kind that’s in disguise And makin’ everybody cry I’ve got my hard hat on Nothing can go wrong You’re in your construction phase Always hammering away I heard at the end of the earth There’s an endless supply of air I don’t fuck with the stuff I don’t even care What it does for me How it keeps me living In suspended bliss without even asking My psychic told me I’d die Cuz I’d forget to breathe Did I forget or was I always knowing I heard at the end of the earth There’s an endless supply of air I don’t fuck with the stuff I don’t even care What it does for me How it keeps me living In suspended bliss without ever asking
2.
I drink the lake It’s late I’m drunk Thought I could swim but I thought wrong Oooo Oooo Take love away you’ll have your whole life to live Without the fear of dyin’ Oooo Oooo I’ll start I’ll start Sayin’ your name sayin’ your name Backwards so I’ll forget it You give me the flower Without the stem I don’t know how it begins Just how it ends Oooo Oooo I’ll start I’ll start Sayin’ your name sayin’ your name Backwards so I’ll forget it I’ll start I’ll start sayin’ your name sayin’ your name Backwards so I’ll forget it
3.
Sword 03:02 video
Lyrics: How do I start to feel Less like a deadly weapon After you made me believe I have the sharpest edges I’d dull them down for you If you wanted me to I’d dull them down for you If you wanted to me to Kill myself with too much time Trying to teach you a lesson Feels like I could be waiting my whole life For you to pay attention My body is a sword It gets sharper when it gets ignored My body is a sword It gets sharper when it gets ignored
4.
Dirt 03:51
I’m the dirt I get kicked where it hurts I’m the dirt I’m the dirt Say I’m the dirt And you’re the water And you’re never endin’ are ya? You’re the water Say you’re the water We’ll go on and on forever baby Livin’ like we know Where the water ends, it never ends I’ve been waiting to tell you what it’s like To be alive To be alive Ya I’m breathin’ for the first time I was underwater I swear that’s where I saw ya Swear that’s where I saw ya And we’ll go on and on forever baby Livin’ like we know Where the water ends, it never ends I’ve been waiting to tell you what it’s like To be alive To be alive Ya I’m breathin’ for the first time I was underwater I swear that’s where I saw ya Swear that’s where I saw ya
5.
I stared at the sun It took me awhile to tell someone What I saw Then I started to run Couldn’t slow my speed But I’m havin’ fun chasing after no one There’s still spots in my eyes From lookin’ up at the skies What gives you up? What makes you cry? What gives you up What you gives you love You’re givin’ up all your love You’re givin’ up all your love I broke the promise I knew I’d never keep I wanted to tell you I wanted you to see What I saw What I saw But there’s still spots in my eyes But I’ve never felt more alive Knowing I can’t see a thing Knowing I can’t see a thing What gives you up What you gives you love You’re givin’ up all your love You’re givin’ up all your love
6.
Dumb Driver 03:09
I’m a dumb driver when I’m in love I run all the red lights Cause I know you’re home Waiting to love me dumb Once you complicate the earth it can’t be undone I want to stop I want to I want to stop I want to I’ve been dreaming Of basketball hoops And sitting on couches with you tricks me into Feeling like you’re still around only when I sleep can we Still be hanging out I want to stop I want to I want to stop I want to loving you loving you Yeah I still believe in halos No it’s not your fault Your’s left you a long time ago It doesn’t circle round your head or glow in the dark When we’re going to bed I want to stop I want to I want to stop I want to loving you loving you I want to stop I want to I want to stop I want to loving you loving you loving you loving you
7.
Get Better 03:20
I’ve got my right eyes closed tighter than the left one I wanna see where you go when you’re leavin’ You walk away so slow like you’re forgetting something I know I know what it is I keep choking on my spit I should just shut up and swallow it Cuz my days are turning into nights Faster, faster than I imagined I wanna get better better better But in my mind I’m still layin‘ in your bed I wanna get better better better But I just get you well instead I wanna tell you a story about my runnin’ Except the story never goes anywhere Cuz the moment I start runnin’ Im gasping, gasping for air I wanna get better better better But in my mind I’m still layin’ in your bed I wanna get better better better But I just get you well instead I wanna get better better better But in my mind I’m still layin’ in your bed I wanna get better better better But I just get you well instead
8.
Power 03:22
Out in the wild You’re nobody But in my room You’re everyone I’ll ever meet My mind is a shrine For all the ways to say goodbye to you I’m an expert on the sky But I couldn’t tell you when it’s blue I wanna feel the power of knowing nothing, nothing I wanna feel the power of holding no one, no one ever again I can’t see ya I trained my eyes to look away cause even when they’re covered they’re still like x-rays But I still let you call You’re calling To tell me about your dreams I kept pretending I was in them I kept pretending I wanna feel the power of knowing nothing, nothing I wanna feel the power of holding no one, no one I wanna feel the power of knowing nothing, nothing I wanna feel the power of holding no one, no one ever again
9.
You’ve been getting clean I’ve been getting so dirty Wash you off of me But you never leave Show me how you go Go and disappear You were never here You were never here All the nights Couldn’t hold me back from the morning The sun would rise and I’d run right towards it Show me how you go Go and disappear You were never here You were never here Now I’m free to turn on the light I can’t find the switch I’ll keep dancing in the dark It’s alright I’ve already seen all of it They told me you were a fighter I didn’t believe ‘em till you knocked me out I kiss your fist Let you win Loved you more with every blow It’s your turn to lose now Show me how you go Go and disappear You were never here You were never here Show me how you go Go and disappear You were never here You were never here
10.
I know it now I know What they’re talkin’ about I’m not afraid anymore I see it now I see So much more than before I see everything I hear it now I hear Oh it’s loud and clear I’m listening I feel it now I feel Got that air in my lungs I can breathe I know it now I know What they’re talkin’ about I’m not afraid anymore I see it now I see So much more than before I see everything

about

Reciting mantras is a form of teaching — leaning into the repetition, retraining your brain, learning new realities. For Jilian Medford, it was a way to fight through her anxieties. And here, on Show Me How You Disappear, through a haze of tangled, inverted pop, her new truths push their way to the surface.

Mesmeric and kaleidoscopic, shimmering with electrified unease, Show Me How You Disappear is both an exercise in self-forgiveness and an eventual understanding of unresolved trauma. Medford’s third record as IAN SWEET unfolds at an acute juncture in her life, charting from a mental health crisis to an intensive healing process and what comes after. How do you control the thoughts that control you? What does it mean to get better? What does it mean to have a relationship with yourself?

The inklings for the record began slowly. In 2018, Medford wrote “Dumb Driver” on an acoustic guitar while living in a “hobbit hole” back house in Los Angeles. Skeletal, stripped-back versions of the undulating, amorphous “My Favorite Cloud” and “Power” emerged next. Mentally she was in a dark place. By January 2020, following increasingly severe panic attacks, Medford began a two-month intensive outpatient program, including six-hour days of therapy. It yielded an unprecedented level of self-reflection for Medford, who already plumbs the depths of her emotions for her songwriting. She took a step back from music to completely immerse herself in the program, and once she felt ready to move on at the end of February, the rest of the songs poured out of her.

Recorded with Andrew Sarlo (Big Thief, Empress Of), Andy Seltzer (Maggie Rogers), and Daniel Fox, among others, Medford approached this album as a curator. She handpicked the producers that fit each song, which explains the range and experimentation showcased. Medford then recruited Chris Coady to mix and tie everything together into one cohesive piece.

The resulting record envelops both Medford and the listener like water: its ebb and flow, the ease with which it can switch from nourishing to endangering you. Fully immersive, with guitar lines as quick to sound grungy as they are to ascend to astral distortion, it’s a lush cacophony of experimentation. While writing the record, Medford revisited the discography of her forever favorite band, Coldplay and noted inspiration from Young Thug’s bizarre and magical vocal delivery. With these influences and many more, Medford’s pop melodies are inverted by the freak world she builds around them.

The cyclical nature of obsessive thought patterns shapes Show Me How You Disappear. It’s self-referential, each song in conversation with one another, tracing the same relationship and the desire to be an escape artist from your own life. But there’s also the repetition Medford learned to help herself via Emotional Freedom Technique tapping, which involves tapping pressure points on the body and repeating mantras to curb anxiety.

“Since I learned that method in therapy, it has saved my life and seeped into my music,” she says. “Songwriting has always been a tool for me to process my emotions. But this technique has allowed me to apply more intention to that practice.”

For her, the refrain of “Get Better” hits that hardest, a sort of emotional thesis of the album. She explains, “This song came from being stuck in an infinite loop of destructive thoughts and the only way to get out of my head was to repeat my goal over and over. By saying ‘I want to get better, better, better’ out loud, I started to feel something.”

Show Me How You Disappear also offered a certain liberation to Medford. As personal as it is — like preceding albums Shapeshifter and Crush Crusher — here, post-therapy, Medford was able to approach her songwriting in a new way. She learned how to distance herself from the immediacy of her work, to put space between her personal identity and her art. There was less concern about fitting every piece of her story into the lyrics. Instead, this time, she held back. “I think there’s something to be said for leaving things out,” Medford says. “This is the first record that I leave that space for myself. I feel a freedom on this one that I haven’t felt with the others. People always say ‘I put all of me into this’, but I actually didn’t this time — I left space.”

Dizzying and enthralling, Show Me How You Disappear is the sound of someone coming apart and putting themselves back together — the moment an old mantra, repeated into the mirror time and time again, finally clicks. To look at your reflection, and finally feel seen.

credits

released March 5, 2021

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IAN SWEET Los Angeles, California

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iansweetmusic@gmail.com
mgmt:
elyselankford@gmail.com
us pr: jacob@pitchperfectpr.com
uk pr: michelle.kambasha@s-414.com
us booking: lschiffman@tbaagency.com
uk booking: mattpcopley@primarytalent.com
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